Apr 29, 2009
I’m pretty sure I’ve been consigned to some circle of hell by being forced to spend years of my life in Alabama. I know that sounds extreme, but I didn’t come to this conclusion on a whim. I’ve long suspected that I may be living in some sort of redneck twilight zone, but last week my suspicions were confirmed when I heard that the Alabama state legislature passed a resolution praising Miss California for her views on gay marriage and “opposite marriage”.
If you’ve been too busy leading a meaningful life to watch Fox News, I’ll give you the background on the “controversy”. At the most recent Miss USA the pageant contestants were asked questions during some portion of the contest—I’m guessing this portion is designed to show that they actually have a useable brain inside their overly-maintained little bodies, though I think this segment has traditionally shown just the opposite. Miss California was asked where she stood on gay marriage, and she stumbled and stuttered her way through an answer that was barely coherent—though I guess the important part here is that she opposed gay marriage.
When she only got second place in the pageant, she whined, claiming she lost for her views on gay marriage. Cue the media circus fuck-fest. Never mind that she looked so typically blonde and fake-tanned that she could’ve been a Barbie doll (seriously, there are girls like that every 10 feet in LA). Never mind that a fifth grader could have given an answer that was more grammatically correct and persuasively constructed. She’s being held up as a martyr by the religious right.
While I had plenty to say about this, I always felt that media outlets lowered themselves and lowered the level of intellectual debate in this country by giving incidents like this so much coverage. And I would have stayed out of this one, except that the state of Alabama decided to lower itself into this fracas.
Alabama’s Jay Love came up with the bright idea to pass a resolution praising a beauty pageant contestant from another state, just because… well I don’t really know. I mean, I know why he did it—many Republican types have figured out that they can win over voters with these “family values” publicity stunts instead of focusing on real issues. I’m just shocked he had the balls to drop so low and use state legislature time to pass an absolutely ineffectual resolution that accomplishes nothing except to make Alabama’s gay citizens feel even more disenfranchised. I can’t imagine it would be an easy thing to be gay in Alabama—having a state representative who goes way out of his way just to publicly remind you that he’s happy you don’t have the right to marry someone you love. He wasted time and energy in the state legislature to deliver a state-endorsed slap in the face to every homosexual in Alabama.
I would take this opportunity to rail against conservative intolerance, but that actually wouldn’t be fair because a real conservative would have never bothered with such a resolution. Real conservatives are traditionally opposed to frivolous lawmaking, and seek to maintain a government that is the least involved in the lives of citizens as is possible. For this reason a true conservative never would have spent time passing any sort of unnecessary legislation. And on that note, I should also mention that a true conservative would be against a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage because of the blatant infringement on states’ rights. But hey, look at the previous administration—most Republicans haven’t been conservative for quite some time.